Friday, October 26, 2007

My very own AFN Commercial

"Here's a thought from the V corps safety office: Next time your driving, pay attention the the driver behind the one in front of you." Wait, what? That doesn't even make any sense! If I have to spend more than 15 seconds trying to decipher the meaning behind something, and then it still doesn't make any sense, then I usually get pretty aggravated at the uselessness of the message. Yet, this is just another example of an AFN, or Armed Forces Network, "commercial". These "commercials" are actually more infomercials or propagandist tools to convince us that our occupation here is glorifying and that we should re-enlist at the earliest opportunity. And yet others, like the example above, make absolutely no sense at all. I should state yet again that I am lucky enough to be able to watch TV; I will also mention that a friend of mine donated his TV to someone else and now refuses to watch anything because these propaganda-mercials were driving him mad. No joke.

Now, I understand why they can’t show us real commercials. It has to do with networks donating the broadcasts and revenues and that sort of stuff. So now we have to be subjected to these spots made on what seems to be a $5 budget by a 7th grade student. I take that back; I definitely made better videos when I was in 7th grade. Maybe a 3rd grader. I'll let you be the judge - here is a particular example that has forever ruined this U2 song for me. Please take the time to notice the completely random words chosen from the kids’ conversation that flash up during the spot; for some reason to me they are hilarious, mainly because they make absolutely no sense. Not too mention - thanks for the virginity plug while I am in Iraq. That makes a ton of sense. (I know, these commercials air in Germany and elsewhere for families).

It was in the spirit of these ridiculous, low budget attempts that I decided to come up with my own message. This one revolves around gambling, in the spirit of this AFN moral insight.

Here are my top 4 reasons to never, ever gamble (and if I do, why to never make a bet involving my favorite team, against co-workers who may make me humiliate myself):This is the downfall of a once proud, die-hard Eagles fan. There's help out there, Gary. If not for you, at least do it for your family.


Anonymous said...


You can subscribe to satellite television in Iraq. Then you don't have to watch the All Fouled-up Network (AFN). Tell one of your Iraqi counterparts that you want satellite TV and let him handle all the details to make it happen. Subscription rates are very reasonable. You will be supporting the Iraqi economy, that will be a good news story you can submit to Public Affairs.

AFN Broadcaster said...


AFN stands for American Forces Network. Even though you had then name're right on the money when it comes to the commercials. They suck. Come on...really...Squekers???

Jason said...

Thanks AFN - someone else pointed out my error the other day too. Oops. Didn't it used to be Armed Forces Network or did I just make that up?

Anonymous said...

Damn, if only I had seen this commercial three kids ago!! Oh well, too late! This is priceless, I am even more sorry for all than I was before.
Now I know why my grandmother calls it the idiot tube!

~ Erin

Laura said...

Gary is a cheesehead!

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